Every day comes with new feelings, frustrations and experiences.
Today was “day one” in the kitchen… I have avoided that place since the day you died. My kitchen has been a blank slate for months now… no meals cooked… no goodies baked. It just didn’t mean the same without you here to enjoy them.
Riley came over and spent the day with me; and for the first time, I used the stove – homemade chicken noodle soup would be the result. She left with her daddy a while ago, and I would have to sit in silence at the table and eat my dinner. I find that food just has very little taste when you eat alone… devoid of dinner conversation!
Dottie and Max sit with me while I eat (truth be told, they are really just waiting for me to drop a crumb or two.) I choose to fool myself into thinking that they are there trying to keep me company.
I like living in the big city now. I know you would find that strange for me to say since I always felt that the street we lived on was too hectic. The funny thing here is that I am on a “non-busy” street in a big town instead of our old “busy” street in a small town. I can even walk to the grocery store from here – and once I get through the mounds of food I brought with me when I cleaned out or multiple refrigerators and freezers, I may just take advantage of the situation and shop every day or two for just the things I need at the moment.
The apartment is small, but adequate. It’s nice to know that it only takes me 3 minutes to vacuum the whole place – and that saves Dottie & Max from feeling the need to protect me from yet another “loud-mouth monster.”
I am not far from several churches and intend to do some exploring over the weeks and months ahead. In addition, I have found a Sweet Adelines group that meets just 3 miles from my apartment. I may have to check that out too. It would probably do me some good to resume singing.
Dottie and Max don’t mind it here, but they are still not used to the fact that people come and go at all hours of the day and night (though you would think that wouldn’t be such a stretch for them with the way our lifestyle was.)
I have a few pictures of you placed in various places around the apartment, but none of the pictures of “us” are being rehung… I just can’t bear to look at the days of “us!” – maybe someday!
Every moment of every day, I become more convinced that this is what I needed to do… I’m trying life on for size!
I miss you still so very much… and will love you forever. You live on in my heart – and there you will forever stay!