It’s difficult for me to believe that 22 months have now passed since we said “Goodbye.” I’ve encountered many new experiences during this journey of self discovery. Some of the things I have learned about myself have been good, while others I must admit, don’t thrill me so much. But I’ve taught myself to identify these flaws and either adjust my self image or correct the flaw.
Andy had so many wonderful friends, and I am fortunate that I inherited them. I’ve been able to lean on them at times, though I know their pain was deep as well. They are a treasure.
Also along the path, I picked up a few very special friends that until now only held brief appearances in my earlier life. Each and every one of these friendships has become more meaningful to me than I ever could have possibly imagined. They have been a great addition to the tried and true friends who have walked through life with me all along. They are a treasure.
Members of my family have witnessed my tears at times when I would have preferred my eyes to be dry. They never judged or even asked “why.” I know it’s been hard for them to understand since it’s a loss that very few of them have ever experienced for themselves. They too are a treasure.
My children (including my daughter in law) and my granddaughters have been a tremendous source of strength for me as well. One of the first thoughts I recall, after processing the news of that fateful day, was how will I get my kids through this. That was never an issue. They led me through some of my darkest hours — sometimes they weren’t even around. Just the thought of them would pull me out of a “funk,” and they never even knew. They are my greatest treasure.
Initially following Andy’s accident, I found myself feeling so exposed and I shared a lot of those feelings with those of you who have followed along in this journey with me, either by reading my blogs or listening to my caterwauling. I appreciate you all. You are my treasure.
As funny as this may sound to some of you, many of you know it to be true. My dogs have been my constant! They were my reason for getting out of bed on “day one” and continue to be just that — regardless of whether I want to or not. From cuddle bugs to annoying distractions, they seem to know what I need at the time. Again, they are a treasure.
In addition to my canine distraction, I have joined as an independent consultant with a direct selling company. I’ve done many– from Avon to Tupperware. But this one seems to fit my new life so well. Jamberry Nails has become a great outlet for me, and I look forward to the journey that is forthcoming.
I’ve learned that quality of time is far more important than quantity of time. This lesson is one that I actually have to remind myself of most often. But it’s possibly the most important one I’ve learned. I store each lesson in my head and reflect as often as I deem necessary. They are an important treasure.
Creating new memories has helped to ease the pain of reflecting upon old ones. Sometimes, in order to deal with the perils of being an adult, I’ve learned to act like a child! I’ll never forget the old memories, but I’ve found a way to add and cherish new ones. These memories are my saving grace — also a treasure.
I’ve discovered during this past 21+ months of writing that I just have to let my fingers walk across the keyboard. Sometimes I’m as surprised (and maybe more so) as my readers by the words that appear before my eyes. This is definitely true of this post. When I began writing this particular blog entry I had no idea what I would write. I just knew that words had to be written. You might be wondering if there is a reason why today I felt compelled to “strike at the keys” when they have been sitting so still lately. Yes! I suppose there is. It actually wasn’t prompted by the date. During that first year, the 8th of every month seemed like a hill too high to climb alone. So I reached out to you all — and you were there. As time went on, and life began forming anew, I needed to experience the new, not relive the past. I’ve now begun to find that I can integrate the two from time to time.
However, the actual reason why I felt the need to reach out today is a follow up from yesterday. I cleaned the office. While my house, most days, is far from what I would consider clean, my office has become my nemesis! I had found myself barely stepping foot inside the door or sprinting through on my way to the garage. What I failed to see was “why!” Upon further inspection, I realized that 10 months ago when I traded in the 2 vehicles that Andy and I had shared, I piled the contents that I removed from both in the office and walked away– never looking back. Yesterday I’d decided that enough was enough! I reclaimed my office, weeding through the contents as I went along. I’d like to say that no tears were shed. Most of you would know that’s not the case anyway, so why try? Today I begin sorting through the file cabinet that has now been moved twice with contents in tow.
I’ll finish my day by splattering paint on a canvas I suppose. This has been a new hobby that I used to just dream of trying. One year ago, on a boat in the middle of the Mississippi River, with my mom sitting by my side, I “dipped my first artistic brush.” I found it to be quite therapeutic and a lot of fun! It’s not like I needed another hobby! But I got one.
Okay, so this is today’s ramblings. Now that I’ve procrastinated as long as I have, it’s time to turn up some tunes and get busy. I’ve found that the louder the music, the easier it is to battle the demons that lie ahead. I refer to it as “deafening my demons before I strike!”
In closing, I’d like to remind you all to enjoy your day, regardless of the influences that appear before you — and most importantly to cherish your treasures — today and always!